I Know Your Coffee Order
by Beatle Bun
Summary: Blaine is living the life he never wanted, and is struck when he finds out someone else is.


Blaine was nowhere near where he wanted to be at the age of thirty. He had a good job, for sure, he had a nice apartment in a great area of the Big Apple and he had friends.  
But a good job wasn't good enough for Blaine, just friends weren't enough for him either and especially the nice apartment in the great area got him down. Everything he had reached had written 'successful' all over it and that was not what he wanted, because with 'successful', it meant 'money' and Blaine could not care less about money.

He hated his well paid office job. He hated calculating all day, something to do with taxes. He wasn't even sure what he was doing, just that he was required to wear a suit and have his hair gelled back. Loose curls were a no-go for his boss.

Blaine didn't even know why he still was in this job. During his time at Dalton he had always figured being the Warblers' front man would land him some kind of break, but it didn't.  
Being top of his class did land him his 'big break' at NYU, though, and since he had always dreamed of living in New York he went there and studied business. Blaine was raised 'the right way' as his mother would call it, and thought it was most important to finish at least one study. He left everything and everyone behind, thinking that the more

He would focus on his study, the sooner he could get out into the real world and start auditioning.  
Of course, it did not work out that way. Blaine was the kind of person who was good at everything he did, no matter how dull he found it to be. When he was a little boy and his mom put him on a soccer club he could play soccer, when his sister dragged him along to ballet classes he was the best dancer there. When he would read a book he would remember every single detail to it and in every single class he got the highest grades.

On top of that, Blaine was actually socially quite intelligent as well. He wasn't the geek that was good at school but had no friends, he was the perfect, ideal person and he knew that.  
This was what made Blaine's last internship company offer him a job and Blaine took it, because he had to make money somehow until he landed his first big break on Broadway.  
The big break never came. He never even auditioned, he couldn't find the time between his busy job and friends he'd made at NYU. His friends were nice people, but they did not understand him the way his high school friends used to.

There was always a painful stab in his chest as he reminisced his old friends.  
Wes and David, the dynamic duo he could always count on to keep things real and to the ground. They were the most rational and realistic people Blaine had ever known. They had always told him going to NYU to study business was a mistake.

They had even offered him to tag along with them on their world-trip they were going to make right after high school, but he had refused. He thought it was more important to have a degree in at least something.

And Rachel, he thought he missed Rachel more than anyone. After their alcoholic encounter they sort of became best friends. They understood each other in a way no one else did. Though it was mostly Blaine understanding Rachel in a way no one else did. He understood her desperate need to be accepted and her endless longing for fame. He was the exact same way, but because he was raised in utter pretences he never spoke about it, except with her.

And then there was the one he even refused himself to think about. 

* * *

There was one thing Blaine liked about his job and the location of his apartment. His job paid well and his apartment lay on the edge of Broadway's most decent theaters. More than often he treated himself to front row tickets of the classics rather than the new musicals.  
Les Mis must have absolutely been his favorite; he always made sure he saw it at least 2 times a month. He knew he annoyed people next to him by singing along with every single word loudly, but he could not help himself. Singing and performing had always been his life and though he no longer, or never ever, lived it, he had to sing when he had the chance.

Tonight was such a night. He had treated himself to a front row ticket once more and lonely as he was, he sat there with people he did not know on either side of him.  
He let himself be utterly overwhelmed by the new girl playing Fantine and little Cosette must have been the most adorable one he's ever seen.  
The Jean Valjean that was playing that night was one he'd seen before and tonight wasn't his best night, he was absolutely sure that he was singing 'Who am I' better than the actor himself.

Then it happened, all his insides froze as Marius first entered the stage. He knew Marius, and not because he had seen the actor play the part before.  
Marius was played by that one and only man he had never let himself think of, ever. He was by far the most talented singer on stage and Blaine did not know what hurt him more, seeing the man again or seeing that that man did reach his dreams the way Blaine had told him he never would.

All Blaine could do was watch, eyes widened and mouth hanging slightly open, to the stage where Kurt was only being awesome. Unable to move otherwise, his eyes followed Kurt every move and only during 'a Little Fall of Rain' he regained his ability to follow the story and let himself cry over Eponine's dead, something he never was able to hold back on.  
As he was sitting slightly to the left of the stage, during 'Bring him Home', Blaine could have touched Kurt's feet if he had reached and it hurt him to be so close to the younger man.

It was during 'Empty Chairs at Empty Tables' where Kurt's voice slightly shuddered, his eyes widened and he fell out of character, that Blaine realized Kurt had spotted him.  
Kurt's eyes never left Blaine's from that moment on and Blaine felt almost guilty for ruining Kurt's night, he never really got back into character.

After the show was over Blaine never waited for Kurt to come out front, he just rushed home and fell asleep almost immediately, not even reaching his bed he slept on the couch that night.  
The next day was the first in his entire life that he ever called in sick. He did not feel like working at all, he had dreamed dreadfully and felt exhausted waking up. 

* * *

For two days Blaine stayed at home, not even sure how he was feeling, before he returned to work. That night, again he treated himself to tickets to Les Mis, only tonight Kurt was not there.  
Blaine went back the next day, and the day after that.  
It took him five times before Kurt was there again; this time Kurt spotted Blaine the very first second he appeared on stage and never fell out of character. Blaine did catch him looking at Blaine every second he had to look into the audience, however.  
Blaine headed back home after the show again, going back the next few days and he was absolutely sure Kurt had seen him every single day he was there.

He made sure he was the first one out of there to get to his apartment ASAP every time, so he was extremely surprised when one day he heard that way too familiar voice behind him, just as he stepped outside the theater.

"You left us all".  
Blaine stopped walking, feeling sick to his stomach at the accusation that sounded through that voice.  
"Why are you here every night"? The voice now sounded slightly desperate and Blaine turned around.  
Not being able to talk, he took Kurt's hand and led him all the way to his apartment.

"Is this where you live"? Kurt asked looking around astounded, taking in every inch of the interior.  
Blaine was glad to find himself to be able to nod.  
"It's gorgeous", Kurt said, approvingly sliding his fingers over the couch.  
"Do you think you're going to say something tonight"? He asked, moving closer to Blaine and Blaine found himself frozen again, only being able to stare at Kurt's lips.

"I hadn't thought about you for ages, until you showed up last week", Kurt said and Blaine did what he had never even expected himself to do.  
He crashed his lips onto Kurt's and practically mouth-raped Kurt's face. He felt himself fill with guilt right away, remembering how hurt Kurt had been when Karofsky had done the exact same thing.  
He wanted to pull back, but Kurt pulled him closer instead, attacking Blaine's mouth with even more aggression than Blaine had attacked Kurt.

Their tongues were fighting for dominance and since neither of them seemed to win, their mouths parted so Blaine could start a trail of rough kissing alongside Kurt's neck, reaching his collarbone and ripping off his shirt.

Hands, as well as lips, were everywhere over each other's body and soon clothes were laying on the floor in a trail towards the bedroom.  
They collapsed on the bed, both fully naked, when Blaine realized this was the point of no return. He came to his senses, realized what he was doing was probably the stupidest thing he had ever done, but continued nonetheless.

When he had first crashed his lips onto Kurt's it was an instinct, almost as if he didn't know what he was doing, but now he was fully aware of what was going to happen next.  
He couldn't stop it, he couldn't stop his hands running all over Kurt and he couldn't stop his mouth attacking every single inch of Kurt's body it could reach.  
Kurt laid back and made noises Blaine had never heard in his life ever before. He had had sex before, but the noises Kurt made were utter lust, utter passion and most of all utter desire.

While Blaine was trailing kisses down Kurt's chest and stomach, Kurt pulled him up and as close as possible, crashing their mouths together once more. They stayed in each other's grip for quite a while, rubbing their bodies against each other while kissing.  
The friction became tenser with every move and Blaine could feel the explosion that was going to be building up inside of him.  
He did not need to be inside the other boy, or his mouth, or even his hand. Just the friction of their bodies and the confusing passion of the situation was enough to give him the most satisfying, yet most confusing orgasm he had ever had.  
Kurt rubbed his body against Blaine's for a few more times, before he also squirted all over both their chests.

Panting, Kurt got to his feet and started to follow the trail of clothes, putting on all his own clothes and leaving Blaine's on the floor.  
Before Blaine could even think of anything to say or do, he heard his front door close and he knew Kurt was gone.  
He fell asleep naked, sleeping an uneasy and disturbing sleep. When he woke up in the morning he called in sick for the second time in his life, the second time that week. 

* * *

He never returned to Les Mis for almost a month, and life had gone back to normal as much as it could.  
He got up at 7 every morning, got dressed, jogged for a bit and came back, took a shower, ate breakfast and headed to work. He'd be behind his desk at nine, working 'till five and he would head back home.  
He'd eat with either a colleague or his friends, would watch some TV and go to bed around 11.  
The only thing that had changed was the thinking about Kurt.  
Every night before he went to sleep he relived the night he and Kurt had had together and he dreamed the same old dream he used to dream back when he had just left Kurt behind at the age of eighteen.

Blaine wasn't sure if his worst nightmare or best dream ever came true when Kurt stood on his doorstep a simple Thursday night.

"I wondered if you regained your ability to speak", Kurt said matter-of-factly, while taking of his shawl and coat and settling himself onto the couch casually.  
"Actually, I have", Blaine said in confidence, "and I want to apologize for what happened last time".  
Kurt looked up at him.  
"Don't", he answered, "there's nothing to apologize for".

Blaine did not really know what to do or what Kurt was doing here, and afraid of the conversation that might follow it, he was afraid to ask, so instead he offered Kurt a cup of coffee.  
"No need", Kurt said, taking two cups of coffee out of the paper bag he had brought and offered Blaine one.  
"Medium drip, extra sugar", he said confidently and Blaine smiled.  
"You know my coffee order", he said reminiscent.

They drank their coffee in silence, Blaine was sure they both had no idea what they were doing right there. That was why Kurt's next question stabbed Blaine like a sharp knife.

"Why aren't you on Broadway"?  
Blaine quite literally choked on his coffee and thought of how to answer this question. It brought back all the memories.  
"I'm sorry, Kurt", he said again, "for everything I said back then. I shouldn't have said it".  
Now a slight smile appeared on Kurt's face.  
"I believe I've never been hurt more than that particular night", he said, "and I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to forgive you".  
Blaine nodded knowingly, then chuckled.  
"But boy, did you prove me wrong", he said, "Marius in Les Mis, how about that".

Kurt had never looked as beautiful as in that moment, Blaine realized as the widest smile appeared on his face.  
"I finished High School like you told me to", Kurt started his story, "and then I enrolled in Lima college of Fine Arts, studied singing mostly and some acting classes".  
Kurt had gotten a degree in singing and acting, and then started off with small roles in local professional plays. Last year he had apparently landed his first big part on a Broadway show, but since Blaine only saw the classics, he never saw Kurt in it.

"Now tell me about you", Kurt said as he put his cup on the coffee table.  
"I went to study business as I said I would. After my last internship the company offered me a job and I'm still working there. I earn quite a lot of money, thus being able to pay this great apartment and treat myself to musical tickets more than often", he said and hoped Kurt would leave it at that.

Of course he wouldn't.  
"Are you happy"?  
Blaine stood up, took the paper Starbucks cups and went to throw them in the garbage bin.  
"Do you have a boyfriend"? Kurt asked and Blaine looked at him in disbelief.

"I'd never cheat, if that's what you're here for", he answered and Kurt now rushed to his feet as well.  
"No, it's not that, Blaine, I'm just", Kurt stopped mid-sentence, obviously looking for the right words to say.  
"I'd like to reconnect", he then stated, "but I'd like to know what I'm up for. Just friends again, or maybe we could try and really start something together this time".

Blaine fell quiet, almost as if he lost his ability to speak again and so Kurt felt the need to continue.  
"I know I said I never thought about you, but the fact is that I never let myself think about you. You hurt me, when you said all that stuff".

Blaine did not know what made him do it, he was not in love with Kurt after all, but he shushed him with a tender kiss on his lips.  
"I'm sorry about all of that", he said, "I was wrong. It was wrong of me to say that stuff, it was wrong of me to try and shatter your dreams just because I couldn't follow mine".

Tears were now welling up in Kurt's eyes.  
"I knew why you said it all and I knew you did not mean it, but it hurt nonetheless. You told me I would never make it to be a star. You literally said I was less talented than you were".

"You weren't", Blaine whispered, his forehead pressed against Kurt's, "have you got any idea how much I loved your voice"?  
Kurt smiled through his tears now.  
"You loved my voice more than anything, you made that obvious numerous of times.  
"I still do", Blaine said. He wasn't sure what made him say it, but as he did so he realized it was true.

He gasped in shock as Kurt's lips were on his with force, but soon returned the kiss and as if it had never been any other way, they repeated their way to the bedroom, leaving a trail of clothes behind them and once again collapsing on it fully naked.  
Nothing new happened, it was almost exactly a repetition of last time, only now they climaxed at the exact same time and Kurt stayed, lying wrapped in Blaine's arms. 

* * *

"I thought I'd forgotten about you", Blaine said as Kurt woke up the next morning.  
"I came into your dorm that night to tell you I loved you and instead I ended up yelling you'd never make it and be a Lima-loser forever.  
It just hurt me when you said I was making a mistake, that I could make it if I stayed in Lima to study fine arts and that NYU was a mistake. I had always thought Julliard would accept me and they didn't. New York was the only way I saw to the Broad Way and when you told me I was making a mistake, it all burst out of me. That you would never get a scholarship in music if I didn't, because you weren't as talented. You were more talented than any of us Warblers. I was jealous, I guess, and I couldn't believe that you thought Lima college of Fine Arts would be of any help and so I called you a Lima-loser. I stormed out and promised myself to never see any of you again. I thought you all didn't understand me, but I get now that you understood me more than I understood myself and were just trying to protect me.  
To answer your question, I'm not happy Kurt, not nearly happy.  
I thought I'd forgotten about you, that I was over you, but apparently I wasn't".

Blaine paused for a while, before he emphasized the most important part of his speech.

"I came to tell you I love you".

Kurt looked at him in disbelieve.  
"I'm not a morning person, Blaine, you should've at least offered me some coffee before landing that information on me".  
"No worries", Blaine said and took out a cup from the paper bag beside the bed, "I know your coffee order".


End file.
